Unencumbered Words

Sidewalk Secrets

2010-08-17T08:26:00.002+08:00

Come—
Sit with me
On the pavement of
My wishful thinking.
As drops of
Melancholic reveries
Fall upon our heads,
Join me in marveling
At the beauteous sky,
Imprints of our converging destinies
Making it even more mesmerizing.

This moment we share puts all romantic litanies
To shame.
No words are necessary.

XOXO.

2010-02-13T13:53:00.003+08:00

A writeup written for Emerson Reyes' video installation.

photo by JM Villaflor

Each person has at least a page to fill.

To fill with hopes and dreams,
with plans to set in motion.
To fill with lines of promises,
reasons and explanations.
To fill with X's and O's.

You are the X.
The exact opposite of what is deemed
good for me, of what
I need to survive.
The extreme pain one feels
upon realizing loss
or defeat.
Yet I have never yearned
this strongly
for something
before.

I am the O.
The origin of thought, of magic,
and of silence.
The openly-worn heart on one's sleeve
for the entire world
to witness.
The opportunity to be seized,
free from shame and regret.

Each person has at least a page to fill.

- Feb 13, 2010 -
- 1:53 PM -

Crimson Connection

2007-03-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

Red = Heat.
Your usually luscious lips,
Now dry and cracking,
Broke the spell you have
Had on me thus far.

Red = Fury = Rage.
My intention to leave obviously angered
The sightless demon in you.
Do you know you're throwing
Black plates in my direction?

Red = Screaming.
Now you've gone berserk
Smashing whatever is in your way,
Calling me a handicap hater
At the top of your lungs.

Red = Love = The S Word.
I hold you down, and you pull me to a kiss,
Your lips slowly regaining their
Enslaving power.
Red equals love equals hate equals everything in between.

- March 8, 2007 -

Braille Boy Blue

2007-03-08T21:00:00.000+08:00

Unseeing Lover,
Shrouded in a cloke of undiscovered realities:
I may easily drown
In the depths of blue pools
That are your eyes.
Will you even notice?

Your hand, tightly held by mine.
Can you feel the agony,
The thousand daggers
Shooting up your spine?
That is my reflection looking back at me
While I am lost in your sapphire seas.

Listen most earnestly
To the soft wails of the wind,
For it carries with it
My desperate litanies
For life's visional beauty
To be a shared experience.

Let me bring you close
Enough to taste the misery in my tears.
To smell the relentless hope
For sight on my skin.
Shall we bask in
Blind passion?

- March 8, 2007 -

The Art of Overthinking

2007-02-18T10:01:00.000+08:00

You
Are a Mind Invader--
Rediscovering vague
and cobwebbed corners,
Putting lanes of old, abandoned
Hopes and solitude
Back on the map.

Yesterday seemed like
Eternity, every moment passing
Left hanging, on pause.
Each second, a troubled
Exhale.

Though we are a terrible cliché,
"it's all been said and done"...
There remains a gate wide open
For redemption.

- Alabang, On PC -
- February 18, 2007 -

It Ain’t Easy Bein’ A Christmas Grump

2006-11-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

To tell you the most honest truth

Bein’ grumpy ain’t that easy,

To spread bad gossip ‘bout The Main Man’s birth

Can make one sort of queasy.

Imagine havin’ to contort one’s face

To match one’s cranky mood,

To ruin everybody’s cheer in case

Bulldozin’ festive yards’ no good.

Bashin’ Santa and his reindeer,

Pokin’ fun at yuletide jingles,

Makin’ little kiddies squirm in fear

Gives one amazin’ tingles.

Though scroogin’ is one’s favorite hobby,

Sometimes it can make one ponder

If deckin’ the halls with boughs of holly

Is really that much better.

One wonders if it’s more sensible

To spend the holidays with pals and family,

Yeah okay, it could be possible

That togetherness trumps bein’ sad and lonely.

Hangin’ Christmas decor and carol singin’

‘stead of boo-in’ Santa and ridiculin’ rhymes,

No “bah humbug” and words a-stinkin’

Can mean much happier times.

“It ain’t easy bein’ a Christmas grump,” says my quote

I’m givin’ it up, just so we’re clear,

So instead of endin’ with a sour note

Here’s to an awesome Christmas, and a better brand-new Year!

(Christmas Retold writing assignment.)

- sent through email -
- November 2, 2006 -

When Fed Vicious Lies...

2006-11-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

I, your most indignant nemesis,

Am fueled by acrimonious
Madness, so vindictive and unrelenting.

Waging war is my business, constant
Rage, my companion.
Angry subliminal demons at my beck and call.
Trust my vengeance,
Hateful and unsatisfied--
For it will persecute you,
Undermine you until you are
Left with nothing.

(Seven Sins writing assignment, Wrath.)

- sent through email -
- September 15, 2006 -
- Published in The Benildean -

She-Devil

2006-11-21T21:33:00.000+08:00

These fornicating hands
Are out for revenge.
Your curves,
Almost illicit and foreboding,
Make fools out of libidinous
Silver-tongued lovers.
Your mind-blowing existence,
Your melodic mantra
For enticing lonely souls
Is enough to whet the appetite
Of the lecherous beast within.

(Seven Sins writing assignment, Lust.)

- sent through email -
- September 15, 2006 -
- Published in The Benildean -

Feast for One

2006-11-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

I shall consume you entirely.

With every indulgent bite,
I am gleeful,
I am impenitent
In my act of conquering.

For each insatiable nibble,
I bask in your desperate desire
To experience
The mere taste of ecstasy.

Even if I reach the sands of contentment,
No sea of ravenous mongrels
Will make my incessant craving cease.
What's mine is mine; and mine, you are.

(Seven Sins writing assignment, Gluttony.)

- sent through email -
- September 15, 2006 -

Aria

2006-07-20T18:44:00.000+08:00

This woman’s body
Is scarred all over
With wounds of fear and
Of forgetfulness.
Her breath
Smells of old love, of
Jagged unrequited fantasies.
She lived hidden from
Painful reality –
The meanness and irony
Of Truth.
Her eternal companion
Is The Sun, silent but
Listening, always listening.
Though she bathes in her
Own stench of no hope, no promise,
It receives her with no malice.
She whispers, “Take me please…”,
Her plea lingering in the air.
In one swift second, her
Frail body crumbles to the ground,
And one moment her tortured vessel
Becomes dust, freely
Floating. She is Everywhere.
She is free to dream and be dreamed of.

contribution for Shades of Gray 2007

Approximately Defeated

2006-07-17T22:23:00.000+08:00

for Koya

You release the splenetic, emotional idiot deeply rooted
In me. At first, the witty repartee was just alright.
Then it hastily became a war of heavy-handed
Words. However, as it progressed, I found every bite
You took at me endearing, making me as crazy as I was That Night.

- July 17, 2006 -
- 12:05 PM -
- Student Publications Office, CSB -

My Older Sister

2006-07-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

You and I, lost in a moment of tumultuous ecstasy--
Mother knocks, but the forbidden, lustful air is deafening.
My quivering loins, longing for your delicious memory;
The spicy, tangy taste of your skin worth craving.
Our unbridled carnal love leaves me forver wanting.

- July 15, 2006 -
- 2:05 AM -
- Net Crawlers Net Cafe -

The Big "What If"

2005-06-24T04:00:00.000+08:00

The entire sky is falling.
While the red sun and
the blue moon and
the multicolored stars and
the gray clouds and
the hopeful dreams and
the torrid secrets
within them
Make their way plummeting
to the dampness of the earth,
Everyone else is watching
in stupor.

Falling, falling.
The ground trembles in fear.
Falling, falling.
The seas, unsettled and unbecoming.
Falling, falling.
The dreamers, all hopeless vagabonds,
running aimlessly, running.

Falling, falling.

Eyes of The World start to close.
Fear of The End hangs in the air.
In one fleeting moment,
or rather,
The Moment,
The World becomes One.

Time suddenly stops.

The End, into the vague unknown.

- june 23, 2005 -
- 1pm -
- irmc, makati -

Hands

2005-06-23T10:47:00.000+08:00

soft
cold and clammy
when left alone
always yearning
for something more than this

window
to the past,
present
and future
world map of
millions of secrets
written down on
its surface

most importantly
it has s p a c e s
for you to fill
of you
y M o I u N r E s

- june 22, 2005 -
- 7:47 pm -
- house, pc -

Heat/IN IT

2004-08-18T05:45:00.000+08:00

Moments

They don't stay for long,
not for long.

They remain with you
till you let go.
If you let go.

After which, all you have
left is the feeling
of being
within it--

Everything else, the
colors, the smell,
the taste
of the moment...it just
passes you by.

-August17, 2004-
-2:45 PM-
-Archinet, Taguig-

As the music plays.

2004-05-28T09:15:00.000+08:00

I remember enough
for the both of us.

How the small hairs on
the back of your neck
sway to the sweep
of my hot breath.

How, magically,
your hands seem to
fill the gaps of mine.

How, by some fortunate circumstance,
we finish each other's sentences--
and then smile sheepishly so
right after.

I remember the moments, the secrets,
the laughs, the inner butterflies.

I remember for us both.

- May 27, 2004 -
- 6:15 PM -
- Archinet, Taguig-

Concert Hangover

2004-02-23T13:50:00.000+08:00

for the mraz man

if he only knew how crazy
it made me when he
pointed right at me
he'd probably
say something like
"she likes me...good golly."
or maybe he wouldn't.
coz he doesn't
go for faces
in crowded places
like concerts
and other things.
so yeah, i guess
it's best
if he stayed with me
in my head
where i can easily
lie with him in bed,
hearing and seeing
him dream. :)

feb 22, 2004
9:50PM
pc, while ym-ing with wallen

Nice Morning

2003-09-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

Nothing could be worse than this.
Finding out it can never
never be more
than this.
When all I can think of doing
right now is to
sleep off my worries
turned truth--someone is
sighing dreamily in
deep sleep, completely
unknowing.
While swimming in
oblivion, I search for
you,
when in reality, I'm actually
lost IN you.

-september 6, 2003-
-5:01AM-
-Burgundy, U1412-

6-5-4-3-2-1

2003-06-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

Missing you is like
breaking a tooth from
gnawing on hard
candy. It hurts like
hell--after momentary
bliss.

The mere remembrance of you requires
brain damage, tongue-biting--
after much bleeding and
headaches, I still can't seem
to get through.

Looking back, I
wonder why silence
is an option for two
free spirits.

A step forward I take, but
trappings keep holding
me back.

It begins to rain. It almost
always does.

Why it does--it's beyond me.

-June 3, 2003-
-8:50 AM, Digital Time-
-g212-

Concrete mind

2003-04-01T11:45:00.000+08:00

Took me a long time to
see for myself
how everything is
like clockwork.
How she sings
a random line
of a song, long
forgotten.
How he wipes his
forehead with
the back of his
soft hand.
How she smoothens a
notebook page first
with her hand before
writing on it.
How he closes
his eyes and
bobs his head
to rock music.
How she impulsively
hugs unknowing
people from
behind.
How he
beckons to his
friends with a
sudden nod.
How she blushes
and turns red
at the sound of
his infectious laugh.
How he blinks
and flashes
a grin at her
eccentricities.
How she feels
her heart
in her throat
when he walks past.
How he wonders
why the room lights
up when she
walks in.
Indeed, everything
is like clockwork.

-march 31, 2003-
-7:45 PM-
-pc-

Vday mush

2003-02-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

today
i decide to sit under a big old tree
with the breeze blowing
humming with the rest of me.
today
many bonds strengthened
many souls conceived
many friendships rekindled.
today
people think of all loves lost
promises broken
tears shed over the same old drama.
today
the usual burden on my shoulders nowhere to be found
the life-long company of loneliness has eluded me
my chest weightless and airborne.
today
everything i say will probably be mundane
i will gladly ignore the "love is in the air" routine of strangers
and tomorrow, i will again feel lost and only remember
today.

-february 14, 2003-
-8:01 AM-
-DLSU Ampitheater-

Gnawed

2003-02-11T02:53:00.000+08:00

for no one

Cupid's claws cling unto you

like this morning's first rinse of shampoo

your grin tells me

you're mersmerized, oblivious to the taste

of that someone's sweet smell that keeps you going

i pound on my chest

forcing it to beat beautifully along with

the pitter-patter of raindrops on the glass roof

wishing that i wanted to fit into the picture

hoping i had the audacity to say to you:

"would you be my anti-valentine?"

-february 10, 2003-
-10:53 AM-
-g304a-

Thinking perilous thoughts

2003-01-30T02:30:00.000+08:00

the Stars have fallen...
on the roof, on the wet
streets, on my lashes--
the Sky is an endless black,
eternal, empty and forgotten.
even the Moon hid, for it
feels pain to see its loved ones
far from reach..
nothing
can replace the Stars--
or the Sky on which it
used to lie.
nothing
can make the lonely Heavens
worth seeking, worth wishing on.
the Stars have fallen...
and so shall the rest.

-january 29, 2003-
-10:30 AM-
-J304, then G206-

Harbinger

2002-10-15T03:05:00.000+08:00

muddled thoughts
of you
rarely pass up;
they always make me
think,
ponder and blink
all over the place.

you must have known
the upshot you have
on me. helpless
and spellbound on
the idea of you and i.
the constant pitter-patter
of my aching chest.

a bit of me falls
every dull day away;
faceless, i blend into
the crowd of aficionados.
you remain unaware
of the tears that glide down
my cheeks.

or the ones on yours.

-october 14, 2002-
-12:05 PM-
-PC-

Paradise

2002-09-07T06:48:00.000+08:00

for You. you know who you are.

let me pretend
to be yours for the moment.
to be the star you look at
during sleepless summer nights,
be the crisp morning air
you breathe in, that fills you
with life,
to be the song in your head
you can't evade,
to be someone--
you crave for and cherish.
let me make-believe,

-september 6, 2002-
-3:48 PM-
-KFC Coastal-

Blurred

2002-08-24T03:25:00.000+08:00

rants.

gasoline rainbows
on the wet asphalt,
beautifully untouched,
resembling the
friendly raindrops
of this morning's shower.
i envy you...
for you deny me
the feeling of
being silent in one corner--
my head in my hands
but no tears.
too numb to cry now.
wishing i were of rainbows,
and you
my raindrop.

-august 23, 2002-
-12:25 PM-
-pizza hut, taft avenue-

Exam Something

2002-08-01T15:00:00.000+08:00

Today

Nothing feels right

To the not-so-righteous.

She feigns joyfulness to strangers

To stop them from looking past the face.

Tumultuous emotions. The world is one big maze.

She suddenly screams and gets the urge to throw something

Then she smiles at the thought of sunlight on fields.

Not everything’s that better—but She figured,

What the heck.

Tomorrow’s a new day.

-date unknown... august 2002-
-Miko's house-

Wanna eat lunch?

2002-07-26T01:30:00.000+08:00

from here, i can see the back of your neck
how every hair moves as you nod
how your eyelashes sweep the air which smells of you
how your foot taps to the rhythm of a song playing in your mind
from here, i notice everything there is
but not once did you turn to face me
don't worry, all's fine
i'm content being behind you all the time
when you look back, all you'll see is me
ready to smile in case you wonder why
i am still here.

-july 25, 2002-
-10:30 AM-
-g211, distru time s11-

An uncommon scene

2002-07-16T12:41:00.000+08:00

downtown parade
people cheering people on
confetti thrown unto the semi-rained on street
bald old man in a small apartment singing Perry Como on top of his lungs
dancing with the make-believe woman of his dreams.

the band kicks in
the trombones and the cymbals and the rest of them players
the baton twirlers in their shimmering, white skirts
smiling at strangers like there was no tomorrow
thinking of the men who left them behind for others.

parade goes on and on
halts in front of a massive stage of lights
what do you know, on it was Her
getting ready for the performance to top all performances
wow, what a time to ponder about Him.

hey, the show must go on
so, let's give it up for Jam
sing us a song, dance to the Lambada
act like you're on top of the world
instead of pretending to be someone you no longer are.

-july 15, 2002-
-9:41 PM-
-PC-

Hanging on

2002-06-18T01:32:00.000+08:00

the scent of boredom
is too thick to ignore--
the sweat and its source become one.
no matter how cold the water
you splash on your face to keep
from falling into slumber,
your lashes slowly flutter...
making it impossible for me
to escape the depths
of your eyes.

-June 17, 2002-
-10:32 am-
-g207-

Which one's real?

2002-05-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

Surely, you wouldn't remember a thing--
for it's something not shared.
All happened so quickly, yet vividly.
I was sure it happened, and you knew it did.
We walked barefoot on the wide expanse of sand,
just when the sun was about to bid its farewell on
its worshippers.
The Pacific breeze sang us a lullaby in falsetto.
I was freaking out, for I had no one
to go home with.
You took my hand and gave it a soft pump, and
whispered, "You're going to heaven with me."--so lovingly,
it gave me goosebumps.
You noticed and draped your shirt which smelled of
the ocean on my back, killed me with your
smile all in the same time.
We stayed there till it was the stars' turn to put
on a radiant show.
We named a constellation after me. A planet after you.
We laughed gleefully at the idea of being the
only two people on Earth,
where we would be treated masters, even by
the smallest of ants.
You danced with me to the tune of the waves
crashing on the jagged rocks.
I looked up, and saw the powerful moon beam
play around in your eyes, as if you
were blessed with its perfect feature.
I put my ear against your chest and I heard
the "boom-boom-baroom" it was saying, only to me.
When we stopped, you pulled me down to sit on
the shore, with the water lapping at our feet.
Nobody said anything anymore--
We didn't need to. We knew. We always have.
We knew our way home.
I fell asleep on your shoulder.
When I did, I dreamed that
you, didn't remember a thing.
You weren't even sure that it happened.
Then I realized--
maybe because it's something not shared.
I never woke up.

-may 7, 2002-
-8:55 AM-
-goks lobby, DLSU-

Some Kind of Mania

2002-05-06T07:10:00.000+08:00

truth unspoken
offense-- none
taken
silent as a lamb

waiting, even for
a slight echo
to be certain
you comprehend

passive, forlorn
eyes-- not a
tear, nor its stain--
in sight

truth unspoken
not at day--
nor even
at night

-may 5, 2002-
-4:10 PM-
-Mt. Banahaw-

Gone ahead?

2002-04-30T12:55:00.000+08:00

hey, look--
colored my fingernails
with a purple
crayon. it's weird,
uneven, but creative.
it's like i'm
always freezing
cold. like i need
my hands held.
like i had gone
mental and pounded
on them with a
hammer. sort
of like nail polish,
but not dark.
tomorrow, it'll fade.
it'll be gone. i
would've rinsed
my fingers well
by then.
tomorrow...
i think i'll try green.

-april 29, 2002-
-9:55 PM-
-living room-

Hallucinations

2002-04-29T13:50:00.000+08:00

you, a champion
unicycle rider--
with your silly grin
pasted forever on
your fair-skinned face,
are nothing but
a memory.
your sense of
balance, a mere
idea from the
back of my mind.
your courageous efforts
to make the world
laugh--
just hopeless dreams.
your hair smells like
sandalwood, shining,
golden locks straight
out from a fairy tale.
my hands long for it
like a lover would
for a passionate kiss.
you, my chavatah--
a vision.
a dream.
a memory.

-april 28, 2002-
-10:50 PM-
-living room-

****? ick.

2002-04-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

everything seems fine now.
gradually, you don't exist.
you DON'T.
but, it's certainly not enough
to stop pillows
from being tear-soaked at nights
it's not enough
to make me forget
the lies, the egg-ons--
that infatuated look in your eyes.
love is never an interesting
center of poetry.
it cramps up my style!
so, better you don't exist.
you DON'T. i guess...

-april 24, 2002-
-9:00 AM-
-g205, DLSU-

Nonsense

2002-04-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

even i--
a silly old string
hanging from your
favorite shirt,
wonder why this
is a big deal...
you wear me like
a fashion trend.
as if very soon,
people will start wearing
strings from their shirts.
but hey, don't think
you can't pull me away.

-april 14, 2002-
-8:11 AM-
-pc-

Stopping in the Middle of the Sahara

2002-03-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

for Him who went Away

Looking into a mirror, I see
A face so unknown...
It stares back at me
With his eyes so full of
Confused, red lines
Each blink as if slow-moed
By tme.
A stranger who looked a little
Bit like me, but still unknown.
I had a clear picture of what I wanted.
Now, I can't even stand
Staring into a mirror
Because I know not
What I see.
I still wonder if it's me.

-March 27, 2002-
-7:26 AM-
-McDonalds Taft-
-from a piece of yellow paper-

Creative Juice

2002-03-06T02:40:00.000+08:00

for Miko

How does it feel to be the dirt underneath your nail?
I know you can't kick the habit of
Chomping on them, tugging on the cuticle sticking out.
I'm right where I want to be, in your mouth,
Swimming with the rest of the ingredients that make you YOU.
You never stop till there's nothing left to chew.
The ragged ends of your fingertips bring smiles.
I'm gone, in you, never again coming out.
But then again, nails do grow back.
So will I.

-March 5, 2002-
-10:40 AM-
-Java Café, DLSU-

Jesus, is it morning already?

2002-03-06T02:10:00.000+08:00

for Gelo

He's in your mind.
Ridiculing your useless thoughts,
Picking on your average-sized brain.
He's right there with a passive grin,
The fellow whom Memory jumped over.

Small talk is bliss.
Ducks and penguins floating about,
Over absurd heads of great minds.
He walks the dark streets of Remembering,
Without a concrete destination, without a flashlight.

Hey, fellow that time forgot,
I, too, live in the Now.
Everything's coming back to me.
It's nonsense, but at least it's real.
Take care of my confidante.

-March 5, 2002-
-10:10 AM-
-Java Café, DLSU-

The Everlasting Gobstopper

2002-03-05T06:53:00.000+08:00

also for Miguel

You are hard.
My jaws clench trying to reach
Your core,
Cast into oblivion as I taste
Your tutti-frutti flavor.
You are colorful.
You change every forsaken second,
Trying to pinch my curiosity
Even more.
You are something.
I never expected, I never thought I wanted
For myself.
You are incredible, a creation of a
Truly "Creative Mind".
Created to make people happy and content.
You are the Everlasting Gobstopper.
You will never disappear
No matter how hard I try to
Forget your existence.
Give me eternity
So I could work my way into
Your sugarcoated heart,
Colorful and sweet.
Cast me once again into oblivion.
Give me time to recover from
The hardness I've experienced.

-March 4, 2002-
-2:53 PM-
-Chess Plaza, DLSU-

Tired Dreams

2002-03-05T05:00:00.000+08:00

The collapsible wooden chair
Sits lonely by the ravaging sea.

Blue-green froth emancipate from within
The reef flowing with seaweed of brownish hue.

And the big, pink, hollow sea shell,
Cracked by rough stones and bleached by the sun,

Still holding the secret voice of the North Wind,
Is waiting to be heard by a weak, sensible and innocent ear.

The frustrated Ego then decides to let go.
He accompanies the collapsible wooden chair, no longer forlorn.

The Ego's tired, bloodshot eyes
Notice the blemished pink shell from afar.

He stoops down real low to pick it up.
Hesitation commands him to do not what he means to.

The Ego, armed with non-belief for the inevitable
Chucks the old, worn-out shell into the gloomy, fearsome ocean.

It sinks down to the bottom, where reality does not exist.
The voice of the North Wind muffled by loud sirens of fair beauty.

The Ego, still an Ego, walks away with a satisfied heart.
The collapsible chair sits lonely again.

-March 4, 2002- -
1:00 PM-

So what?

2002-03-05T01:35:00.000+08:00

Dogs have it so easy--
They take a piss anywhere
And shit all over the place.

No need to keep up
It's its own master.
Abundant T-bones for dessert.

Bottom-to-bottom they connect--
They find love
Shameless to this mortal coil.

They don't take their own baths
Hordes of mutts infest the earth
Pungent stench are lilacs to them.

Dogs are dogs--
They are animals. Not alone.
Not ignorant. But so easy. Damn.

-March 4, 2002-
-9:35 AM-
-Sports Complex, DLSU-

Daddy

2002-02-27T07:40:00.000+08:00

Daddy's a great guy
He gave me a coin-
Got it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.

Daddy's a cool guy
He gave me a shot-
Got it from
A man named Cuervo.
It was surreal. I shouldn't believe.
It gave me a migraine.

Daddy's a peculiar guy
He gave me a kiss-
Got it from
The girl next door.
It was weird. I couldn't believe.
It gave me a clue.

Daddy's a smart guy
He gave me a puzzle-
Got it from an orange gorilla.
It was complicated. I didn't believe.
It gave me confusion.

Daddy's a tough guy
He gave me a shotgun-
Got it from
A Colombian drug lord.
It was scary. I didn't know...
It gave me no answer.

Daddy's changed.
I didn't know...
Maybe I should've
I could've
Believed him-
IN him.
Now he's in a corner
Lying on his bed
Of packs of cocaine
Not knowing
Where he got it from.

I found a pair of Daddy's pants
In its pocket,
Was a picture of
His beloved daughter...
All tattered and torn.
Folded with age,
Moldy caused by sweaty hands.
I didn't know
Where he had gotten it.

My Daddy was a great guy
He used to give me a coin-
He had gotten it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.
I now believe.

-February 26, 2002-
-3:40 PM-
-G202, DLSU-

Melancholic Fantasies

2002-02-09T15:30:00.000+08:00

Let me fall.
Don't push me away
Or make believe
I don't
Exist;
It hurts--
I feel scorn.
I don't hate you!
But, no--
I won't
Force you to
Love me like you do...
That's not fair
Nothing's right anymore--
We often wonder
Why we're lifelong friends
Where are we headed?
What's the story?
I am history--
You are patience.
The clasp is undone.
The gems have faded.
The winds have howled
Their last breath,
But I'm here--
And so are you.

-February 8, 2002-
-11:30 PM-
-g201, DLSU-

Cool it.

2001-10-22T10:40:00.000+08:00

for Myself

Hey lady--
You need a prayer to
Get you by
No, baby.
Don't cry--won't do you none
Tears be gone.
That's it baby.
Listen up and
Listen good.
Do what you should
Do what's good, okay?
You're crying again.
You say it's too hard.
Well honey, life's like that--
Always and forever.
So accept. Don't weep.
Yelp for help. Yeah, sure--
Reason ain't there to stop.
Baby, hold on. Fight.
Stick to your guns and
Fight with all you can.
Suck your gut in and smile
For awhile, even if
It kills you, see--
Life's a bitch
…but so are you-
Lady.

-den-
-october 21, 2001-
-7:40 PM-
-from a piece of yellow paper-

Widow's Embrace

2001-09-19T01:04:00.000+08:00

Oh joy, oh happiness
What smiles have you?
Meet my friend-Sir Alfred
To strive, to seek, to find
We all make mistakes
We all break promises
We all weep and laugh
We hardly even bother
To notice
Each other's eyes
Either bloodshot
Or deep set…does it matter?
Should we like it?
We could. You would.
You're neither here nor there
Where are you?
In the back of my mind
You stay-so far away
Yet…you remain.

-september 18, 2001-
-10:04 AM-
-g202, introso time-
-from a notebook-

Brain tumor

2001-09-18T02:20:00.000+08:00

Pain.
Throbbing--so intense
Can barely stay awake
Can hardly stay alive
Soothe me with your voice
You need to help me breathe.

Laughter…
Spillin' over like
An overflowing river
Can't stop
Don't stop
We all need to be happy.

Silence--
Its deafening sound
Captivates me
Holds me tight
Heals you right
Now…we're fine.

-september 17, 2001-
-11:20 AM-
-g202, dastruc time-
-from a notebook-

Conversations

2001-07-07T04:40:00.000+08:00

for James

walk a mile
talk a while
we must be happy
...don't you think?
i'm mellow
you're blushing
i'm thinking
i'm smiling
as if nothing bothers
us at all.
might we be more
than this?
should we push
farther away?
you show me your scar
it looks pretty weird
but it hurt you
more than it should.
i feel for you.
i show you mine
now i feel fine
...all because of this
this fantasy
ought to never end
for me.

-july 6 2001, 1:40pm, g210-
-from a piece of pad paper-

Blink

2000-11-14T13:24:00.000+08:00

for Glenn

words fail
to describe
the feeling you give me
i'm more than happy
more than flattered
more than overjoyed
…if you do know what i mean
i guess you do
how else would you
have the urge
have the will
to read on
to see
how this crappy poem ends?

heart beats
to give life
to this feeling i have for you
i'm more than anxious
more than excited
more than willing
…i'm making less sense now
i guess you caused it (hehe)
how else would you
explain the awe
elaborate the intentions
exemplify the love
to read on
to believe
how hard it was to make this for you
…crappy as it seems

November 13, 2000
9:24 pm
made on the pc

Who are you?

2000-08-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

i love the way you walk with your head up high
i adore the way you make my frown turn upside down
you make my shitty day the best one ever
how do you do it? have no clue. what's your secret? have no clue.
why do you make my insides flutter? beats me. am i pathetic? as ever.
away..you go. smile to frown. up high to bowed real down. what the bleep! is wrong?
lots of space to fill.

of light

light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light

and of love and hapiness

love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness

but lots of it gone to waste. because of me and my gloomy life. my wretched life.
but you make me smile. and then wonder why.

8/2/2k
made on the pc

Back-UPS

2000-07-25T07:00:00.000+08:00

I'm in a know-how country
in a see-none ville
in a shut-out house
waiting
searching for you.

nonetheless
I don't seem to
smell you
or your peppermint shampoo
you're out...I think.

should I stay to wait
where time is
non-existent?
should I stare bluntly
into your empty wall?

I wallow in your fears
listen to your tears
droplets on my palm
blank walls all over
in your shut-out house.

I've given up
out of your abode...
I see people staring
at me and my disarrayed hair
they somewhat glare.

but I don't care...
or give a damn
about what these people
think of me
or my disarrayed hair.

I turn to leave
..and I don't look back
I run, blinded by the rain
then I bump into you
...I fell.

by jam
july 24 2k
made on the pc

Homeless

2000-07-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm packed
I'm going
To a place
Full of hope
And of pain
Why go?
Why feel?
I absolutely
Have no
Clue
Just why.

Come close
Go deep
And find
What you seek
What you need
What you crave for
Be assured
Be swallowed
Follow me
My lead
My destined path...

july 23 2k
made on the pc

Men and boys, -dolls and toys

2000-07-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

created with Pumpkin

Oh, men of steel
You melt like butter upon
A pan on fire
But the boys of wood,
They're reduced to ashes when burned
Thus making them burn no more
-and the melted steel forms a puddle
-in which a young girl's porcelain doll lies
-oh, it weeps, it feels scorn
-and the dust rises up--up into the air
-flicks of them on raggedy ann's yarn-curled hair
-but it feels no anguish, no despair...

july 21 2k
from a slip of paper

Realize

2000-03-03T04:10:00.000+08:00

Life…
We love, we learn
To breathe, one breath
We indulge, we're hasty
One lip, a frown
All alone, all lonely a boost, put down
Let loose, be still
No prob, no thrill…
A life, a love,
We live…

-march 2, 2000-
-12:10 PM-
-harmony classroom-
-from tigger notebook-

No Goodbyes

2000-03-03T01:14:00.000+08:00

also for Enrico

--you'll be gone…
in a blink of an eye…
who knows the future
what's in store for you--
who'll be there
to save lives--
to cause laughter
and mayhem, too--
--you'll be gone…
and now I cry--
twist in anguish
…an now I die--
'tis be true…
--you'll be gone…
I feel for you…

-march 2, 2000-
-9:14 AM-
-harmony classroom-
-from tigger notebook-

You

2000-02-23T02:16:00.000+08:00

Goodbye--
Who knows when we will
Meet again

Waitin' for a day
That I fear
Will never come

But nothing stops
A restless, hopeful mind
…from dreaming

-february 22, 2000-
-10:16 AM-
-harmony classroom-
-from tigger notebook-

Dillusional

2000-02-22T09:00:00.000+08:00

Looking up I see the clouds
…but where are you?
glancing down I see the asphalt
…but I don't see you
searching…still lookin'…lonely…
I still haven't seen you
Look at me, here I am-
Still waiting for you

-february 21, 2000-
-5:00 PM-
-quadrangle, risers-
-from tigger notebook-

Growers

2000-02-22T04:00:00.000+08:00

for Enrico

This thing in my head
Those words that you said-
Even though uncertain
…still… it did not stop me
From bursting with joy

Everyday
It's like I see you--
For the first time…
…like a song stuck in my head…
It never fails
I'm still swooning

I'm in a sea of emotions
Under the blazing sun--
Bathing in my own esteem…
…thinking…hoping…
What if…just what if--
You were here--with me

-february 21, 2000-
-12:00 NN-
-harmony classroom-
-from tigger notebook-

Untitled

2000-02-18T01:34:00.000+08:00

The ebb of the tide has caught me
Brought me far…far away from shore
Dragged me deep down into the abyss of my existence
I died-
I did not survive

Then I woke up
I was in a different bed, on the right side
I got up and tripped…I stubbed my toes
I fell-
I did not get up

As I laid there
I caught myself glancing into your deep-set eyes
You carried me…straight into your arms
I lived-
And I did not regret it

-february 17, 2000-
-9:34 AM-
-harmony classroom-
-from tigger notebook-

Humanity

1999-11-12T01:55:00.000+08:00

black.
endless skies before a storm
eyes staring into mine
delirium dancing around in my head
dark cloak enveloping the morning sun

red.
bloodshot eyes no longer blinking
heat and ecstasy and chaos
pain and passion…collide…with feist
ink frantically scribbled on papyrus

white.
delight of nothingness
eternal bliss of emptiness
where are you? are you even there?
i'm in way above my head

-november 11, 1999-
-9:55 am-
-from blue feather-

i tell you... endless sweet nothings

1999-07-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

created with D

D: 'cause you see,
you're not the one with
a problem and
no certain
remedy

J: i see no truth,
feel no pain...
i'm not the one who
called on you
...so don't turn back

july 9 1999
from a slip of paper