Tired Dreams

The collapsible wooden chair
Sits lonely by the ravaging sea.

Blue-green froth emancipate from within
The reef flowing with seaweed of brownish hue.

And the big, pink, hollow sea shell,
Cracked by rough stones and bleached by the sun,

Still holding the secret voice of the North Wind,
Is waiting to be heard by a weak, sensible and innocent ear.

The frustrated Ego then decides to let go.
He accompanies the collapsible wooden chair, no longer forlorn.

The Ego's tired, bloodshot eyes
Notice the blemished pink shell from afar.

He stoops down real low to pick it up.
Hesitation commands him to do not what he means to.

The Ego, armed with non-belief for the inevitable
Chucks the old, worn-out shell into the gloomy, fearsome ocean.

It sinks down to the bottom, where reality does not exist.
The voice of the North Wind muffled by loud sirens of fair beauty.

The Ego, still an Ego, walks away with a satisfied heart.
The collapsible chair sits lonely again.

-March 4, 2002- -
1:00 PM-

So what?

Dogs have it so easy--
They take a piss anywhere
And shit all over the place.

No need to keep up
It's its own master.
Abundant T-bones for dessert.

Bottom-to-bottom they connect--
They find love
Shameless to this mortal coil.

They don't take their own baths
Hordes of mutts infest the earth
Pungent stench are lilacs to them.

Dogs are dogs--
They are animals. Not alone.
Not ignorant. But so easy. Damn.

-March 4, 2002-
-9:35 AM-
-Sports Complex, DLSU-

Daddy

Daddy's a great guy
He gave me a coin-
Got it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.

Daddy's a cool guy
He gave me a shot-
Got it from
A man named Cuervo.
It was surreal. I shouldn't believe.
It gave me a migraine.

Daddy's a peculiar guy
He gave me a kiss-
Got it from
The girl next door.
It was weird. I couldn't believe.
It gave me a clue.

Daddy's a smart guy
He gave me a puzzle-
Got it from an orange gorilla.
It was complicated. I didn't believe.
It gave me confusion.

Daddy's a tough guy
He gave me a shotgun-
Got it from
A Colombian drug lord.
It was scary. I didn't know...
It gave me no answer.

Daddy's changed.
I didn't know...
Maybe I should've
I could've
Believed him-
IN him.
Now he's in a corner
Lying on his bed
Of packs of cocaine
Not knowing
Where he got it from.

I found a pair of Daddy's pants
In its pocket,
Was a picture of
His beloved daughter...
All tattered and torn.
Folded with age,
Moldy caused by sweaty hands.
I didn't know
Where he had gotten it.

My Daddy was a great guy
He used to give me a coin-
He had gotten it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.
I now believe.

-February 26, 2002-
-3:40 PM-
-G202, DLSU-

Melancholic Fantasies

Let me fall.
Don't push me away
Or make believe
I don't
Exist;
It hurts--
I feel scorn.
I don't hate you!
But, no--
I won't
Force you to
Love me like you do...
That's not fair
Nothing's right anymore--
We often wonder
Why we're lifelong friends
Where are we headed?
What's the story?
I am history--
You are patience.
The clasp is undone.
The gems have faded.
The winds have howled
Their last breath,
But I'm here--
And so are you.

-February 8, 2002-
-11:30 PM-
-g201, DLSU-

Cool it.

for Myself

Hey lady--
You need a prayer to
Get you by
No, baby.
Don't cry--won't do you none
Tears be gone.
That's it baby.
Listen up and
Listen good.
Do what you should
Do what's good, okay?
You're crying again.
You say it's too hard.
Well honey, life's like that--
Always and forever.
So accept. Don't weep.
Yelp for help. Yeah, sure--
Reason ain't there to stop.
Baby, hold on. Fight.
Stick to your guns and
Fight with all you can.
Suck your gut in and smile
For awhile, even if
It kills you, see--
Life's a bitch
…but so are you-
Lady.

-den-
-october 21, 2001-
-7:40 PM-
-from a piece of yellow paper-

Widow's Embrace

Oh joy, oh happiness
What smiles have you?
Meet my friend-Sir Alfred
To strive, to seek, to find
We all make mistakes
We all break promises
We all weep and laugh
We hardly even bother
To notice
Each other's eyes
Either bloodshot
Or deep set…does it matter?
Should we like it?
We could. You would.
You're neither here nor there
Where are you?
In the back of my mind
You stay-so far away
Yet…you remain.

-september 18, 2001-
-10:04 AM-
-g202, introso time-
-from a notebook-

Brain tumor

Pain.
Throbbing--so intense
Can barely stay awake
Can hardly stay alive
Soothe me with your voice
You need to help me breathe.

Laughter…
Spillin' over like
An overflowing river
Can't stop
Don't stop
We all need to be happy.

Silence--
Its deafening sound
Captivates me
Holds me tight
Heals you right
Now…we're fine.

-september 17, 2001-
-11:20 AM-
-g202, dastruc time-
-from a notebook-

Conversations

for James

walk a mile
talk a while
we must be happy
...don't you think?
i'm mellow
you're blushing
i'm thinking
i'm smiling
as if nothing bothers
us at all.
might we be more
than this?
should we push
farther away?
you show me your scar
it looks pretty weird
but it hurt you
more than it should.
i feel for you.
i show you mine
now i feel fine
...all because of this
this fantasy
ought to never end
for me.

-july 6 2001, 1:40pm, g210-
-from a piece of pad paper-

Blink

for Glenn

words fail
to describe
the feeling you give me
i'm more than happy
more than flattered
more than overjoyed
…if you do know what i mean
i guess you do
how else would you
have the urge
have the will
to read on
to see
how this crappy poem ends?

heart beats
to give life
to this feeling i have for you
i'm more than anxious
more than excited
more than willing
…i'm making less sense now
i guess you caused it (hehe)
how else would you
explain the awe
elaborate the intentions
exemplify the love
to read on
to believe
how hard it was to make this for you
…crappy as it seems

November 13, 2000
9:24 pm
made on the pc

Who are you?

i love the way you walk with your head up high
i adore the way you make my frown turn upside down
you make my shitty day the best one ever
how do you do it? have no clue. what's your secret? have no clue.
why do you make my insides flutter? beats me. am i pathetic? as ever.
away..you go. smile to frown. up high to bowed real down. what the bleep! is wrong?
lots of space to fill.

of light

light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light

and of love and hapiness

love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness

but lots of it gone to waste. because of me and my gloomy life. my wretched life.
but you make me smile. and then wonder why.

8/2/2k
made on the pc