Creative Juice

for Miko

How does it feel to be the dirt underneath your nail?
I know you can't kick the habit of
Chomping on them, tugging on the cuticle sticking out.
I'm right where I want to be, in your mouth,
Swimming with the rest of the ingredients that make you YOU.
You never stop till there's nothing left to chew.
The ragged ends of your fingertips bring smiles.
I'm gone, in you, never again coming out.
But then again, nails do grow back.
So will I.

-March 5, 2002-
-10:40 AM-
-Java Café, DLSU-

Jesus, is it morning already?

for Gelo

He's in your mind.
Ridiculing your useless thoughts,
Picking on your average-sized brain.
He's right there with a passive grin,
The fellow whom Memory jumped over.

Small talk is bliss.
Ducks and penguins floating about,
Over absurd heads of great minds.
He walks the dark streets of Remembering,
Without a concrete destination, without a flashlight.

Hey, fellow that time forgot,
I, too, live in the Now.
Everything's coming back to me.
It's nonsense, but at least it's real.
Take care of my confidante.

-March 5, 2002-
-10:10 AM-
-Java Café, DLSU-

The Everlasting Gobstopper

also for Miguel

You are hard.
My jaws clench trying to reach
Your core,
Cast into oblivion as I taste
Your tutti-frutti flavor.
You are colorful.
You change every forsaken second,
Trying to pinch my curiosity
Even more.
You are something.
I never expected, I never thought I wanted
For myself.
You are incredible, a creation of a
Truly "Creative Mind".
Created to make people happy and content.
You are the Everlasting Gobstopper.
You will never disappear
No matter how hard I try to
Forget your existence.
Give me eternity
So I could work my way into
Your sugarcoated heart,
Colorful and sweet.
Cast me once again into oblivion.
Give me time to recover from
The hardness I've experienced.

-March 4, 2002-
-2:53 PM-
-Chess Plaza, DLSU-

Tired Dreams

The collapsible wooden chair
Sits lonely by the ravaging sea.

Blue-green froth emancipate from within
The reef flowing with seaweed of brownish hue.

And the big, pink, hollow sea shell,
Cracked by rough stones and bleached by the sun,

Still holding the secret voice of the North Wind,
Is waiting to be heard by a weak, sensible and innocent ear.

The frustrated Ego then decides to let go.
He accompanies the collapsible wooden chair, no longer forlorn.

The Ego's tired, bloodshot eyes
Notice the blemished pink shell from afar.

He stoops down real low to pick it up.
Hesitation commands him to do not what he means to.

The Ego, armed with non-belief for the inevitable
Chucks the old, worn-out shell into the gloomy, fearsome ocean.

It sinks down to the bottom, where reality does not exist.
The voice of the North Wind muffled by loud sirens of fair beauty.

The Ego, still an Ego, walks away with a satisfied heart.
The collapsible chair sits lonely again.

-March 4, 2002- -
1:00 PM-

So what?

Dogs have it so easy--
They take a piss anywhere
And shit all over the place.

No need to keep up
It's its own master.
Abundant T-bones for dessert.

Bottom-to-bottom they connect--
They find love
Shameless to this mortal coil.

They don't take their own baths
Hordes of mutts infest the earth
Pungent stench are lilacs to them.

Dogs are dogs--
They are animals. Not alone.
Not ignorant. But so easy. Damn.

-March 4, 2002-
-9:35 AM-
-Sports Complex, DLSU-

Daddy

Daddy's a great guy
He gave me a coin-
Got it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.

Daddy's a cool guy
He gave me a shot-
Got it from
A man named Cuervo.
It was surreal. I shouldn't believe.
It gave me a migraine.

Daddy's a peculiar guy
He gave me a kiss-
Got it from
The girl next door.
It was weird. I couldn't believe.
It gave me a clue.

Daddy's a smart guy
He gave me a puzzle-
Got it from an orange gorilla.
It was complicated. I didn't believe.
It gave me confusion.

Daddy's a tough guy
He gave me a shotgun-
Got it from
A Colombian drug lord.
It was scary. I didn't know...
It gave me no answer.

Daddy's changed.
I didn't know...
Maybe I should've
I could've
Believed him-
IN him.
Now he's in a corner
Lying on his bed
Of packs of cocaine
Not knowing
Where he got it from.

I found a pair of Daddy's pants
In its pocket,
Was a picture of
His beloved daughter...
All tattered and torn.
Folded with age,
Moldy caused by sweaty hands.
I didn't know
Where he had gotten it.

My Daddy was a great guy
He used to give me a coin-
He had gotten it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.
I now believe.

-February 26, 2002-
-3:40 PM-
-G202, DLSU-

Melancholic Fantasies

Let me fall.
Don't push me away
Or make believe
I don't
Exist;
It hurts--
I feel scorn.
I don't hate you!
But, no--
I won't
Force you to
Love me like you do...
That's not fair
Nothing's right anymore--
We often wonder
Why we're lifelong friends
Where are we headed?
What's the story?
I am history--
You are patience.
The clasp is undone.
The gems have faded.
The winds have howled
Their last breath,
But I'm here--
And so are you.

-February 8, 2002-
-11:30 PM-
-g201, DLSU-

Cool it.

for Myself

Hey lady--
You need a prayer to
Get you by
No, baby.
Don't cry--won't do you none
Tears be gone.
That's it baby.
Listen up and
Listen good.
Do what you should
Do what's good, okay?
You're crying again.
You say it's too hard.
Well honey, life's like that--
Always and forever.
So accept. Don't weep.
Yelp for help. Yeah, sure--
Reason ain't there to stop.
Baby, hold on. Fight.
Stick to your guns and
Fight with all you can.
Suck your gut in and smile
For awhile, even if
It kills you, see--
Life's a bitch
…but so are you-
Lady.

-den-
-october 21, 2001-
-7:40 PM-
-from a piece of yellow paper-

Widow's Embrace

Oh joy, oh happiness
What smiles have you?
Meet my friend-Sir Alfred
To strive, to seek, to find
We all make mistakes
We all break promises
We all weep and laugh
We hardly even bother
To notice
Each other's eyes
Either bloodshot
Or deep set…does it matter?
Should we like it?
We could. You would.
You're neither here nor there
Where are you?
In the back of my mind
You stay-so far away
Yet…you remain.

-september 18, 2001-
-10:04 AM-
-g202, introso time-
-from a notebook-

Brain tumor

Pain.
Throbbing--so intense
Can barely stay awake
Can hardly stay alive
Soothe me with your voice
You need to help me breathe.

Laughter…
Spillin' over like
An overflowing river
Can't stop
Don't stop
We all need to be happy.

Silence--
Its deafening sound
Captivates me
Holds me tight
Heals you right
Now…we're fine.

-september 17, 2001-
-11:20 AM-
-g202, dastruc time-
-from a notebook-