Daddy

Daddy's a great guy
He gave me a coin-
Got it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.

Daddy's a cool guy
He gave me a shot-
Got it from
A man named Cuervo.
It was surreal. I shouldn't believe.
It gave me a migraine.

Daddy's a peculiar guy
He gave me a kiss-
Got it from
The girl next door.
It was weird. I couldn't believe.
It gave me a clue.

Daddy's a smart guy
He gave me a puzzle-
Got it from an orange gorilla.
It was complicated. I didn't believe.
It gave me confusion.

Daddy's a tough guy
He gave me a shotgun-
Got it from
A Colombian drug lord.
It was scary. I didn't know...
It gave me no answer.

Daddy's changed.
I didn't know...
Maybe I should've
I could've
Believed him-
IN him.
Now he's in a corner
Lying on his bed
Of packs of cocaine
Not knowing
Where he got it from.

I found a pair of Daddy's pants
In its pocket,
Was a picture of
His beloved daughter...
All tattered and torn.
Folded with age,
Moldy caused by sweaty hands.
I didn't know
Where he had gotten it.

My Daddy was a great guy
He used to give me a coin-
He had gotten it from
Behind my ear.
It was incredible. I believed.
It gave me a thrill.
I now believe.

-February 26, 2002-
-3:40 PM-
-G202, DLSU-

Melancholic Fantasies

Let me fall.
Don't push me away
Or make believe
I don't
Exist;
It hurts--
I feel scorn.
I don't hate you!
But, no--
I won't
Force you to
Love me like you do...
That's not fair
Nothing's right anymore--
We often wonder
Why we're lifelong friends
Where are we headed?
What's the story?
I am history--
You are patience.
The clasp is undone.
The gems have faded.
The winds have howled
Their last breath,
But I'm here--
And so are you.

-February 8, 2002-
-11:30 PM-
-g201, DLSU-

Cool it.

for Myself

Hey lady--
You need a prayer to
Get you by
No, baby.
Don't cry--won't do you none
Tears be gone.
That's it baby.
Listen up and
Listen good.
Do what you should
Do what's good, okay?
You're crying again.
You say it's too hard.
Well honey, life's like that--
Always and forever.
So accept. Don't weep.
Yelp for help. Yeah, sure--
Reason ain't there to stop.
Baby, hold on. Fight.
Stick to your guns and
Fight with all you can.
Suck your gut in and smile
For awhile, even if
It kills you, see--
Life's a bitch
…but so are you-
Lady.

-den-
-october 21, 2001-
-7:40 PM-
-from a piece of yellow paper-

Widow's Embrace

Oh joy, oh happiness
What smiles have you?
Meet my friend-Sir Alfred
To strive, to seek, to find
We all make mistakes
We all break promises
We all weep and laugh
We hardly even bother
To notice
Each other's eyes
Either bloodshot
Or deep set…does it matter?
Should we like it?
We could. You would.
You're neither here nor there
Where are you?
In the back of my mind
You stay-so far away
Yet…you remain.

-september 18, 2001-
-10:04 AM-
-g202, introso time-
-from a notebook-

Brain tumor

Pain.
Throbbing--so intense
Can barely stay awake
Can hardly stay alive
Soothe me with your voice
You need to help me breathe.

Laughter…
Spillin' over like
An overflowing river
Can't stop
Don't stop
We all need to be happy.

Silence--
Its deafening sound
Captivates me
Holds me tight
Heals you right
Now…we're fine.

-september 17, 2001-
-11:20 AM-
-g202, dastruc time-
-from a notebook-

Conversations

for James

walk a mile
talk a while
we must be happy
...don't you think?
i'm mellow
you're blushing
i'm thinking
i'm smiling
as if nothing bothers
us at all.
might we be more
than this?
should we push
farther away?
you show me your scar
it looks pretty weird
but it hurt you
more than it should.
i feel for you.
i show you mine
now i feel fine
...all because of this
this fantasy
ought to never end
for me.

-july 6 2001, 1:40pm, g210-
-from a piece of pad paper-

Blink

for Glenn

words fail
to describe
the feeling you give me
i'm more than happy
more than flattered
more than overjoyed
…if you do know what i mean
i guess you do
how else would you
have the urge
have the will
to read on
to see
how this crappy poem ends?

heart beats
to give life
to this feeling i have for you
i'm more than anxious
more than excited
more than willing
…i'm making less sense now
i guess you caused it (hehe)
how else would you
explain the awe
elaborate the intentions
exemplify the love
to read on
to believe
how hard it was to make this for you
…crappy as it seems

November 13, 2000
9:24 pm
made on the pc

Who are you?

i love the way you walk with your head up high
i adore the way you make my frown turn upside down
you make my shitty day the best one ever
how do you do it? have no clue. what's your secret? have no clue.
why do you make my insides flutter? beats me. am i pathetic? as ever.
away..you go. smile to frown. up high to bowed real down. what the bleep! is wrong?
lots of space to fill.

of light

light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light light

and of love and hapiness

love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness
love love love love love love love love love love love love
happiness happiness happiness happiness happiness

but lots of it gone to waste. because of me and my gloomy life. my wretched life.
but you make me smile. and then wonder why.

8/2/2k
made on the pc

Back-UPS

I'm in a know-how country
in a see-none ville
in a shut-out house
waiting
searching for you.

nonetheless
I don't seem to
smell you
or your peppermint shampoo
you're out...I think.

should I stay to wait
where time is
non-existent?
should I stare bluntly
into your empty wall?

I wallow in your fears
listen to your tears
droplets on my palm
blank walls all over
in your shut-out house.

I've given up
out of your abode...
I see people staring
at me and my disarrayed hair
they somewhat glare.

but I don't care...
or give a damn
about what these people
think of me
or my disarrayed hair.

I turn to leave
..and I don't look back
I run, blinded by the rain
then I bump into you
...I fell.

by jam
july 24 2k
made on the pc

Homeless

I'm packed
I'm going
To a place
Full of hope
And of pain
Why go?
Why feel?
I absolutely
Have no
Clue
Just why.

Come close
Go deep
And find
What you seek
What you need
What you crave for
Be assured
Be swallowed
Follow me
My lead
My destined path...

july 23 2k
made on the pc