6-5-4-3-2-1

Missing you is like
breaking a tooth from
gnawing on hard
candy. It hurts like
hell--after momentary
bliss.

The mere remembrance of you requires
brain damage, tongue-biting--
after much bleeding and
headaches, I still can't seem
to get through.

Looking back, I
wonder why silence
is an option for two
free spirits.

A step forward I take, but
trappings keep holding
me back.

It begins to rain. It almost
always does.

Why it does--it's beyond me.


-June 3, 2003-
-8:50 AM, Digital Time-
-g212-

Concrete mind

Took me a long time to
see for myself
how everything is
like clockwork.
How she sings
a random line
of a song, long
forgotten.
How he wipes his
forehead with
the back of his
soft hand.
How she smoothens a
notebook page first
with her hand before
writing on it.
How he closes
his eyes and
bobs his head
to rock music.
How she impulsively
hugs unknowing
people from
behind.
How he
beckons to his
friends with a
sudden nod.
How she blushes
and turns red
at the sound of
his infectious laugh.
How he blinks
and flashes
a grin at her
eccentricities.
How she feels
her heart
in her throat
when he walks past.
How he wonders
why the room lights
up when she
walks in.
Indeed, everything
is like clockwork.


-march 31, 2003-
-7:45 PM-
-pc-

Vday mush

today
i decide to sit under a big old tree
with the breeze blowing
humming with the rest of me.
today
many bonds strengthened
many souls conceived
many friendships rekindled.
today
people think of all loves lost
promises broken
tears shed over the same old drama.
today
the usual burden on my shoulders nowhere to be found
the life-long company of loneliness has eluded me
my chest weightless and airborne.
today
everything i say will probably be mundane
i will gladly ignore the "love is in the air" routine of strangers
and tomorrow, i will again feel lost and only remember
today.

-february 14, 2003-
-8:01 AM-
-DLSU Ampitheater-

Gnawed

for no one


Cupid's claws cling unto you

like this morning's first rinse of shampoo

your grin tells me

you're mersmerized, oblivious to the taste

of that someone's sweet smell that keeps you going

i pound on my chest

forcing it to beat beautifully along with

the pitter-patter of raindrops on the glass roof

wishing that i wanted to fit into the picture

hoping i had the audacity to say to you:

"would you be my anti-valentine?"

-february 10, 2003-
-10:53 AM-
-g304a-

Thinking perilous thoughts

the Stars have fallen...
on the roof, on the wet
streets, on my lashes--
the Sky is an endless black,
eternal, empty and forgotten.
even the Moon hid, for it
feels pain to see its loved ones
far from reach..
nothing
can replace the Stars--
or the Sky on which it
used to lie.
nothing
can make the lonely Heavens
worth seeking, worth wishing on.
the Stars have fallen...
and so shall the rest.

-january 29, 2003-
-10:30 AM-
-J304, then G206-

Harbinger

muddled thoughts
of you
rarely pass up;
they always make me
think,
ponder and blink
all over the place.

you must have known
the upshot you have
on me. helpless
and spellbound on
the idea of you and i.
the constant pitter-patter
of my aching chest.

a bit of me falls
every dull day away;
faceless, i blend into
the crowd of aficionados.
you remain unaware
of the tears that glide down
my cheeks.

or the ones on yours.

-october 14, 2002-
-12:05 PM-
-PC-

Paradise

for You. you know who you are.

let me pretend
to be yours for the moment.
to be the star you look at
during sleepless summer nights,
be the crisp morning air
you breathe in, that fills you
with life,
to be the song in your head
you can't evade,
to be someone--
you crave for and cherish.
let me make-believe,

-september 6, 2002-
-3:48 PM-
-KFC Coastal-

Blurred

rants.

gasoline rainbows
on the wet asphalt,
beautifully untouched,
resembling the
friendly raindrops
of this morning's shower.
i envy you...
for you deny me
the feeling of
being silent in one corner--
my head in my hands
but no tears.
too numb to cry now.
wishing i were of rainbows,
and you
my raindrop.

-august 23, 2002-
-12:25 PM-
-pizza hut, taft avenue-

Exam Something

Today

Nothing feels right

To the not-so-righteous.

She feigns joyfulness to strangers

To stop them from looking past the face.

Tumultuous emotions. The world is one big maze.

She suddenly screams and gets the urge to throw something

Then she smiles at the thought of sunlight on fields.

Not everything’s that better—but She figured,

What the heck.

Tomorrow’s a new day.

-date unknown... august 2002-
-Miko's house-

Wanna eat lunch?

from here, i can see the back of your neck
how every hair moves as you nod
how your eyelashes sweep the air which smells of you
how your foot taps to the rhythm of a song playing in your mind
from here, i notice everything there is
but not once did you turn to face me
don't worry, all's fine
i'm content being behind you all the time
when you look back, all you'll see is me
ready to smile in case you wonder why
i am still here.

-july 25, 2002-
-10:30 AM-
-g211, distru time s11-